A parent’s lament

Holiday time is normally a lot of fun…and I attempt to keep it that way in my house despite the Scrooge that lives with me and his anti-decorating ways.

But one huge headache looms every stinkin Christmas. That is the packaging the toys come in. It takes an act of congress to even think of getting them open. I think I used more impliments of destruction in opening the packages for the Star Wars Galactic Heroes than I have used EVER in opening a package.

Seriously. These things were not only encased in 3 layers of plastic, but they had these clear things holding them in, so when you THOUGHT you were done, you weren’t. You would try to pull out your Han Solo and it would spring back into the package.

Here come the impliments of destruction!

So, seriously companies-can you please try NOT to annoy parents on major holidays? Lighten the load of tags and things holding toys in packaging. I do not want to be messing around with a Phillip’s head trying to pull the Mach 5 out of its box while my child keeps asking if I’ve got it out yet. Argh!

 

Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree

I need to get this out in the open-Doug is a scrooge. Seriously. It takes me from the time Thanksgiving is over to almost JUST before Christmas to get him to drag the Holiday bin down with all of the decorations. It usually takes me threatening to go to the dollar store and re buy all sorts of decorations before he concedes defeat and allows me to decorate the house. This year, it took me going to the dollar store for something and picking up some new clings for the window-and Isaac’s window in his room. I came home wtih classic Mickey for the door (We have 6 window panes on the door) and Scooby Doo and new-school Mickey for Isaac. He looked at me and then conceded defeat in the all out decorating war.

So, this past weekend, we were both off on Sunday. I was thawed from the Polar Plunge and ready to decorate. Isaac had finally spazzed out enough that Doug was ready to drag the stuff down.

 

Ok, why don’t I drag this stuff out myself?

Simple. Doug’s got it buried in the crawlspace under a ton of his electronic “treasures” (Read: old record players and projectors) and I’m afraid of breaking them. I just don’t want to hear it. Seriously.

 

So, we put on the music-John Denver and the Muppets, a serious family tradition that I foisted on Doug, and went from there.

We decorated our tree with all sorts of ornaments…including our non-traditional topper-

 

And as I hung ornaments, I started to think about all of the stuff we hang on the tree and decorate our house with. So, let’s take a tour…

 This mouse was given to me by Sidekick in…no joke ..1992. We’ve been friends for longer than that. Wow. Shows our age…and our love for cute things..and her knowledge of my need for Latin themed items.

Let’s continue the tour, shall we?

 Mom made this for me. Lovingly crafted for my love of the Wizard of Oz. There’s a Tin Man, Scarecrow and a Cowardly Lion
Go Mom. Be crafty.

And note the tablecloth…Sidekick made that for us a while ago…it’s PEANUTS and has Franklin on it…and Pig Pen. Two of my favorite Peanuts characters!

Then, there are the ornaments we use as display pieces. This one is a favorite of ours…

 Who doesn’t love the flagpole scene. The only thing that would be better is if they had the pink bunny pajamas…but I digress.

So, then, there are the ornaments from my ‘rents tree. These are ones I’ve always loved…or made fun of.

Let’s just get the making fun of out of the way now.

First let me start with what Mom made me promise to say to allow me to take the photo:

“This is a beautiful ornament, lovingly handmade.”

There. I said it. Obligation over.

 

Really…My sister and I forever called this the Tacky Ornament, and would find a place to hide it. We would fight to see who could get it first and hide it somewhere on the tree.

I think I’d have problems if that ornament disappeared.

The next one is a favorite on my ‘rents tree…

This is the toy shop…the neatest ornament on the face of the planet. It’s one of those that you can see through both sides.

 

But this is what my tree and my ‘rents tree is all about. All sorts of fun.

oh, and you know what we do while we decorate the tree?

 

 

We sing all sorts of wrong Christmas songs…

We three kings of orient are…

smoking on a rubber cigar.
It was loaded, and exploded…

(bang)

We two kings of orient are

smoking on a rubber cigar.

it was loaded and exploded…

(bang)

I one king of orient am

smoking on a rubber shazam.

It was loaded and exploded…

(BANG)

Silent night…

 

Ooh! Turkey!

See that pinecone turkey? Yeah. That’s MY pinecone turkey! I made that when I was 4. This thing has become a tradition at my parents’ house. It’s the “alien turkey”, because the neck looks like ET. Seriously. ET phone home!

I have no idea how this thing has stood the test of time…we’re talking serious years, baby…and the only thing that’s missing is the googly eyes!

But, I’m glad it has survived…and glad that it still gets put out to laugh at year after year.

So, since everyone is doing th e list of what they’re thankful for…here’s mine…

• My family-Mom, Dad, Margot and that Brit.
• Isaac-I just can’t say how thankful I am for him. The kid is a wonder every day.
• Doug-even though he drives me insane, I am truly thankful for him…some days, I just don’t know what I’d do without him.
• Jobs that I LIKE. I don’t have to pretend to like them. I really do.
• Bosses that are good. I don’t have to deal wtih the idiot patrol of bosses anymore…I’ve got two that are pretty awesome as far as bosses go. Come on. I had the principal tell me that as long as there’s no porn in my computer lab, I get to teach whatever I want. Seriously. What boss says something like that?
• That we don’t have to spend this this Thanksgiving nursing a sick person. I can’t say how thankful I am for that.
• Friends. Especially the kind that deal with me when I’m in one of my irrational or contrary moods, and don’t ever question it…and just wait it out…and humor me.
• My students-who have made my return to teaching THAT much easier.
• and the 90 trillion other things I’m forgetting…because when you start to count your blessings and things you are thankful for, you always forget a ton.

So, Happy Turkey Day. Go, eat too much, laugh a lot and maybe throw a few walnuts at someone.

 

It’s Halloween! That can only mean one thing…

 

And sitting in the pumpkin patch is the best place to be-Find the most sincere one…and the Great Pumpkin will come and visit.

 

What I did on the 4th of July

First off, I need to wish my darling sister a Happy Belated birthday-I called and left a message, but no birthday for the darling lil’ sis would be complete without blogging! SOOO, Happy Birthday, you  Butt Munch. Hope you at least had the day off!

Secondly-I’ve been asked by a few people if my store is one of the ones targeted for closure. The answer is fortunately, NO. We have some of the highest numbers in the district and people would get seriously violent if we closed our doors. Plus, we’re right near a major highway-we get TONS of traffic, as evidinced by July 3rd’s rush that had our drive thru snaking around the building and the line inside the building to the door…There are 3 stores in this area that I’ve heard to be closing. The district and regional managers are fighting one. The other 2 are goners. Hopefully, we’ll get some of the GOOD ones from those 2 stores at our store. Plus, they’re opening another store off the highway about 20 minutes up the road. That store needs staff…so there will be options…but my green apron is safe for now.

 

So, My 4th of July went like this….

4:15-alarm goes off. Get up, shower and put on the Barista clothes.

4:45-4:50-leave the house for what I THINK is a 5:15 start to my shift.

5:00-get to work-see SuperShift’s car-FREAK OUT thinking I’m 15 minutes late. Knock on door, get let in and apologize for being late-get told that she thought it was 4:45 too, and it really was 5:15, and we’re just going to open the store SLOWLY, and take our sweet time, so clock in and let’s get going.

Hey-the 4th was time and a half. I’m not complaining about the extra time.

6:00 am-Open…SLOW morning. Seriously SLOW morning. When HoursWhore (he calls himself that…) comes in, we dawdle around, do our “tasks” and then make ourselves drinks. It’s just dull as dishwater-we come up with drive thru games, and no one even flinches when we play them.

10:47-off the clock I am and heading home. I decide to stop and get bagels-I hear this tidbit from the bagel people “Who the hell needs bagels on the 4th of July!?”

Umm. Me.

So, I came home, ate bagels and proceded to get the family ready for the party that afternoon at my uncle’s house. No, not one of the uncles that is related to the trash dressing family that invaded poor Angela’s bridal shower a few weeks ago…this is the other side of the family…

This was Isaac’s first pool party. He’s really only done “water play” at school and other places. The kid loves water. He’ll sit there and play in the tub for HOURS upon HOURS.

So, he beelines for the kiddie pool and in about 30 seconds, rips off his rash guard.

(note to self: WHY did I buy the child a rash guard? Oh, yeah. He’s PASTY WHITE. Reminder to tell the school to MAKE HIM KEEP IT ON!)

Isaac had a great time hanging with the cousins on the side of the family he’s never really gotten to know (because of distance reasons…and because…of stuff my darling mother doesn’t want me to put in here. There.)

So, here are the photos…hover over for the explanations.

Isaac and DiAnna swimming in the big pool

DiAnna getting Isaac to kick and do all sorts of great stuff in the pool

Amy and Jonah-a kid who\’s a pices with a fish name! No wonder he likes water!

And you know what I got out of this party? Besides some serious schmooze time with my cousins?

And you know the sad part? This was taken this morning…and it’s still that red. OUCH. Next time, remind me to bring hte waterproof sunscreen? Will y’all?

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And there’s now 14 days left as of this post, to enter my blogaversary contest! Keep those “secret menu” drinks coming!

 

The Day After Easter

I’m nursing a sick little monkey, who won’t eat anything and has slept and just kind of been lethargic most of the day. So, maybe tomorrow I’ll get up a proper post of things that happened yesterday…but of the following I can be sure:

• My cousin didn’t steal my camera again. Bummer.
• I just volunteered to sew table runners for my uncle’s wedding, if his Fiancee gets the fabric.
• I had one too many canolis. Those suckers were goooooooooooood.
• My family is completely out of control.
• I went on another quest for Mom and Dad.

so, more (with photos) tomorrow.

I’m off to take the Monkey to the doctor’s office. I hate to even think of waking him up, because he NEVER does this. BUT, he needs to get to the doc’s office.

 

The perils of Good Friday

So, yesterday, Doug and I (ok, I) decided that it would be a no-cook day. Since it was Good Friday, we decided that Ankers, a local fish and chicken shop,  was our take out of choice. Why Ankers? Well, for those not in the know, Good Friday has a no meat rule.
So, I go and get my oil changed and  get behind a delusional guy at Wal Mart (that’s another post…) and then mosey on over to Ankers…where the line is out the door and almost to the middle of the parking lot. The place is small anyhoo, and you really can’t eat in here unless it’s spring/summer and you can sit at the picnic tables. It’s that small…but the food is good…
Well, a woman comes out and says “I just waited 45 minutes! Turn back now!” All of us in line laughed. This was a moral imperitive, to get food from Ankers. So, I was bored, and what did I have with me? I had the sock of hockey game fame! Well, I was siting at wal mart waiting for my car…I had to have something to do while my car was on the lift…

So, I break out the sock and start knitting in line. I’ve got the project bag in my purse and the yarn coming out of hte bag…and I’m chugging along on the foot, heading for the toe. As I’m chugging along, people are beginning to stare at me, and I’m starting to get questions as to exactly WHAT I’m knitting and why I would bother to knit socks when you could just go to the Target Boutique and get a pair with minimal effort.

Why do I knit socks? I like ‘em! Plain and simple!

So, I’m chugging along on the sock and moving in the line. I was in line for a half hour to get food for us.

But, so are the perils of Good Friday. Long lines at fhis joints, people who think I’m weird for knitting a sock while waiting for said fish and one sock almost ready for toe grafting.

 

Happy year of the rat!

Today marks one of my all time favorite holidays-Chinese New Year.

I’ve eaten Chinese food today…and since fireworks are illegal, I didn’t do any of that…but I made dinner in a way that I didn’t have to use a knife…didn’t want to cut my luck for the new year. We certainly need all of hte good vibes we can get here at Chez E. Nowhere.  So, I figure I’ll put up the word for luck that hangs on doors and in houses this time of year. Maybe that will turn our tide here. After all, isn’t that what new year is for?

     So, happy and lucky 4706

Go-eat some long noodles and don’t cut anything!

                             

 

Holiday Recap

(fair warning-this is photo heavy…)

It was a time. Trust me. I’ve got a kid who FINALLY gets the holiday and is really into the fun of it all. So, let’s truck back to the week before Christmas, so I can give you the FULLLL recap. It’s worth it. Trust me.

Earlier in December, Mom had made a call to me from Buffalo, now home of the darling sister and her other half, and said (ready?) “I WANT A WII!!”

My response-”Dream on.”

Well, that sent me on the quest to get them a Wii for Christmas. Yeah. Early December, hottest toy around…this all adds up to delusional Laura.

First attempt: thwarted by a nor’easter. I hate snow. Did I mention that before? Yes, I’m sure I did…

then, we heard about the voucher program at Gamestop. You’d go, pay and get a guaranteed Wii in January! Ok. Fine. I can do that. Armed wtih money for coffee, I got up at the really and truly asscrack of dawn and waited in line.  I was number 3. Yes, 3.

The store only had 25 vouchers to sell for Wiis. I need to take a small detour here…I called 3 gamestop stores before I decided to go to the one I went to. The one at the one mall gave me a magic number, the store I went to gave me a magic number…the one closest to my house were being chowderheads. They said “we’re not giving out numbers because we dont’ want a riot.” Well, dude. EACH store had a poster on the door with the magic number of Wiis they were going to sell vouchers for. For being shady, they lost me as a customer. If all of the other stores are straight with customers, why can’t this one be? When I asked them what the number of wiis were, their response was “Between 9 and 20.” Ummm..yeah. Whatever. Every…stinkin…other…store gave me a number. The idiot patrol must work at this store. I swear! But I digress.

 As we were standing in line, we heard a rumor that they actually had a few in stock, because a truck didn’t come when it was supposed to the day prior.  Now how cool would that be if I scored the hottest toy of the season on a fluke?

Well, we get in, and purchase the vouchers and find out that the truck hadn’t arrived, but it would be there that day or Monday, since it was a Friday. WEEEELLLL…I purchase my voucher and head on home, take a nap, and call mom and tell her she’s got at least a voucher for this thing. Well, 2 pm rolls around and I get a call from Gamestop. I get “Your wii is here!” I shriek, and tell her I’m on my way. (the rule was you had until 6 pm to pick it up or it became fair game and you waited until January to get it…). I changed my IM message to “WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!” and called my mom and yelled “WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!” It took her a good few minutes to get it…but I told her I was on my way.

Wheeeeellllll…..

 Yep, that’s it! I’ve got play privvies at mom’s house…and I told her I’m getting a few games for the boy to play when he’s there, because he’s discovered Frog Bog here at home on the game cube.

and I was injured in the cause. I slipped on some black ice coming out of gamestop and my keys went into my hand. OUCHIES. Man. the things I do…and even my mom said that it’s not a holiday unless I do something absolutely crazy…like turkey bowling…or waiting in line for a wii. Hey. that’s just me.

So, this year, Isaac saw Santa twice! Once at school (they do it every year!) and once at the mall. He was a great sport and really had a good time. He’s now starting to TALK to Santa, and all of that mess. It’s actually a riot. My kid has become the kid who WANTS to see Santa and not run. No anxiety there!

Christmas comes…and we didn’t go to our regular church this year.  It was kind of a protest. The “committee” decided that this year was about the adults and putting on a play for them and pretty much relegating the kids of the church to singing one song and holding posters. Umm..yeah. That really DOES NOT fly with me. I don’t care about an adult play, and I dont’ care that my friend wrote the play-she had it dumped on her..I feel like this is the season to really involve the kids and get them learning about everything. This is the time that lends itself to perfect children’s involvement. But this year, No. Nothing. So, we went to the Weslean church where Isaac did VBS. They did a children’s program with a reception afterward, and if we had known earlier…basically it’s anyone that can walk can be involved. We all really enjoyed it, and Isaac was welcomed back with open arms by his VBS teachers and friends that he made there over the summer. He loved it. It was nice, close to home and kid friendly.

So, then, we had Christmas day….let me show this to you in photos…

So, you get the gist. the kid made out like a bandit. He got a digital camera…and has been the paparazzi, but that’s another post when I can look at the pictures he took without falling off of my chair laughing.

Fast forward to New Year’s eve…

We got…a SNOWSTORM. BLECH! ICK! ARGH! Please, I need my box to get shipped (with me in it) to the corner of Harbor and Katella in Anaheim..you know, back gate of Disneyland!

We got a foot of the wet, heavy stuff that since our snowblower crapped out, I SHOVELED!!! ICK!

Then, New Year’s day, we got another 2-3 inches.

see?

So, Out shoveling I went. This time, I took Isaac.

Oh- and note the new hat….I was NOT happy about knitting this one…but it came out cute…here’s the deal. School convieniently forgot to put Isaac’s dino hat on him the last day before break. It was SITTING IN HIS CUBBY and they wouldn’t wait the 20 minutes for me to get down there to GET it. So, since we had no extra hat laying around, I dug through my stash and found all of the cascade 220 I could find. I was going to knit him a fast skully…but no, the child eyeballed the stocking cap pattern that was on the SAME one as the skully. Well, there went the skully…he picked out the red and chocolate brown colors, and asked for stripes. I went with 2 row stripes instead of the 10 row stripes it called for so I could float the yarn and not have 30 million ends to weave in.  So, I start knitting this sucker, and cast on is 96 stitches. Do you know how long it takes to get 96 stitches decreased to 6 stitches when the first set of 15 decreases happens every 4 rows and then every OTHER row thereafter? I omitted like 35-40 rows and the hat was STILL this long. He would have fallen over if I had made it any longer! WHEEEEEELLLL…this was the LONGEST flippin’ hat. Not only were the decreases spaced out…but there were only 2 per row. Yes, you read that right, 2 per row. Ok, maybe that’s a function of me putting it as a circular knit instead of a straight knit, but again, I didn’t want to seam anything. It was called “knit this hat at warp speed so he has head protection!!” The hat came out cute, and the “seam” of decreases up the back looks realllly cool and gives an orientation for the hat that I can tell the boy-line goes in the back…but geez, next time I’ll give myself more than 12 hours to knit the sucker!

Around here, on top of Christmas, we celebrate 3 Kings Day. It’s a Latino thing…and basically, it’s to celebrate the day that the 3 Wiseguys got to the baby. You leave your shoes out with some fruit, milk and hay for the camels and the Wiseguys and they fill your shoes with treaties!

WEEEEEELLLL, last year Doug forgot my shoes. This year, Doug was too sick to go out and do anything for me for Christmas.

He got me this for last year’s 3 Kings Day, this Christmas and this 3 Kings day! Whoopie!!!

So, I got some material and was going to make a few quick flannel pillowcases because if I screw them up while learning the machine, It’s only for us. WHEEEELLLL, I got some Cars (you know, the movie) flannel and some Buzz Lightyear as well. Isaac decided they were blankies, even unsewn..so, I ran out and got backings and sewed them while he was hovering over me. He grabbed the Cars one even before I could trim the ends of the thread. Here’s the resulting evening…

(and Yes, Maryanne, that is the Spongebob pillowcase I got at Kmart for the boy…it’s cute, isn’t it?)

Ok..if you’ve made it this far, I salute you. This was a LOT longer than I had planned. Man. that’ll teach me to take a blog break!

So, here’s hoping your 2008 has started off nicely!!

 

When good gingerbread goes bad, or how to ignore the directions on a pack of cookie mix

So this evening, I decided that it would be a wise idea to engage in cookie baking with Isaac. Because my child has a very, very short attention span, I purchased a pack of gingerbread cookie mix, you know, the kind that you add the egg, water and butter to.

here. Here’s the pic of hte front of the package.

So, I began to read the directions. They seem pretty easy…

Notice what I have to add…1 stick butter, 1 egg and 1 tbs of water.

Let’s discuss what I did add.

1 stick butter, 1 egg, 1 CUP water.

Yeah, you read that right. One CUP water.

Needless to say, it wasn’t dough…it was this:

When I realized what I had done, Doug heard a resounding “OH CRAP!” from the kitchen. Then, he heard me hemming and hawing over the fact that I didn’t want to throw out this batter like stuff, and what the heck could I do with it?

Doug laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

 Well, after thinking about it, eating a babybel light cheese, and throwing out all ideas of adding lots of flour and things, I came to the conclusion that it would be just as good as a bread-type product.

So, I broke out my loaf pan, my butter and flour and went to town…

and here’s my gingerbread loaf. complete with sugar sprinkling on top.

But do you believe it? The stupid, stupid person was ME today! Bah!

well, Merry Christmas, everyone! Hope your baking went better than mine! I’ll see you soon with the promised large update…and what happens tomorrow morning.