Another day, another hospital, another time to deal with an outlaw

April 5, 2008 at 10:36 pm 1 comment

Today, Doug had his (we hope) last surgery to correct the emergency item that was placed, oh, around 6 months ago. If it was just me, my mom and maybe a friend or two waiting for him to get out of surgery, life would have been good…but no, COLOSTOMY has to show up…leaving Vapid at home with Princess Pretendtocare (Vapid stayed home for a GOOD set of reasons that I’ll detail at another time. It makes me seriously angry what she’s being forced to go through…but again, I digress..and don’t think that I like her. Trust me, I don’t…but well, again, I’ll go into that another time.).

Well, Doug’s surgery started early, and so did the stupidity from Colostomy.  Stop acting shocked.

so, let’s just do this bullet style.

  • First, the freak didn’t even acknowledge my presence. No, Not shocked.
  • He sucked up to Mom. Y’all expected anything less?
  • He sat there shooting me daggers when the doc asked for ME on the phone and not him to report on how the surgery went.
  • A little knowledge is dangerous with this moron. Even when situations are different, it’s still “just like last time”
  • When he was told that it wasn’t like last time by 3 people (including me) the jerk still didn’t listen.
  • He alternated between sweet talking and bullying the desk staff
  • HE CLIPPED HIS NAILS AT THE LUNCH TABLE! OH, FOR SKEEEEEV OUT!!! He threw the nails on the FLOOR!!!
  • He forced poor Doug to talk to Vapid (who immediately turned on her crocodile tears) and Princess Pretendtocare in the evening after surgery.
  • At the same time, He tried to get Doug to let him buy a bike for Isaac, even though the two of us have told those morons repeately that the bike is the 5 year old gift. I told him politely (even according to mom!!) that no bike. He somehow thinks that my no is overruled by Doug’s no. He was mightly shocked when Doug told him that the answer was no.
  • His Ostomy reeks. I’ve never seen one that was this loud and reeks this bad. Even Doug says it.
  • He’s just an out and out jerk

But the good news in all of this is that Doug came through the surgery just fine. There was a lot of “clean up” work to do with some scar tissue, and they had to repair a hernia, but otherwise, things were fine.

So, get this-

the doc told me on the phone that they had a bit of trouble finding the other end of his intestine to reconnect. WELL, My overtired, sarcastic brain had this running through it, which I told the doctor when he came up and couldn’t find another family…after doing 3 back to back to back surgeries:

“What? You didn’t put enough flourescent tape or dye on it so you could find it right away?”

 

Yeah, that was the hit of his day. He died laughing, as did his scheduler. Who now works for the OR.

They claim he’ll be in anywhere from 3-5 days. Our line? Yeah, right. BUT, both the doc and Doug have their marching orders. He needs to be out by 4/19. Or else.

oh, and note to Jenn...We know so well that Orange Juice isn’t a clear liquid! I had to have a conversation with someone as to WHY it was not. My response? “Look. You can’t read a newspaper through it, can you? No? Well, there you have it! It’s not a clear liquid!!”

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Entry filed under: family, ick, ouchies, outlaws.

Fun NYS DMV Style Do I have a sign on my head that says “stupid stuff come to me! ?”

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. sjsmart  |  April 14, 2008 at 9:17 am

    Amen on the OJ! Your COLOSTOMY sounds like a real swell guy!

    I had a patient once who was complaining of a sore throat…he had a WHOLE strawberry in his ostomy bag. I told him that maybe if he chewed his food his throat would hurt. Seriously it was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen….it had NO seeds! LOL The intern who was with me almost lost her lunch. – stinky ostomy reminded me of this. LOL

    Reply

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