Archive for August, 2008

Green Apron tales, the long, long shift

So, here I sit, yet again, wtih a few more tales of hilarity. I’m fresh off oh, aproximately 19-20 hours in 2 days. We’re down people and we’re all dealing with the insane shifts. It’s meant long days for all of us, and that means all of us get punchy and things start to happen.

So, let’s start with the stupid statement of the week.

I was opening with one of the newer shifts, and she got all bent out of shape because I did things in an order that she decided she didn’t like. I got ICE before I did the pastry case….oh, crime of the century here! So, she’s having her caniption and then decides to explain herself…and she says…
“well, we don’t get customers until 6:15 anyway, so this can wait until just before we open and we can finish it off then.”

Yeah. How come that day, the first drive thru customer came at 5:32?

So, upon opening the other day, I told the other shift about this statement, because we were talking about the newer shifts and what I thought of them. This shift was bewildered by the comment, and wondered what would have possessed the other shift to say that…and the joke became…
“what time is it? Oh, wait. We can’t have customers yet. It’s not 6:15!”

So, of course, I was living la vida DTR. Here was the moment of the day that had us all shaking our heads…

headset dings

me: “Hi and welcome to Starbucks in ______________. What can I get started for you?”

customer: “I’d like a grande iced mocha, no whip, nonfat..I’ve got a coupon…”

realizing that this is a treat receipt and can only be used same day, after 2 pm, and this is 7:30 am…

me: “I’m really sorry, but unfortunately, you can’t use that coupon. It’s only good same day, after 2 pm.

(Nobody defend this delusional woman. The rules of the treat receipt are printed ON THE RECEIPT. We stamp the sucker and it’s huge and black!)

There is a huge dead silence. All 4 of us on shift look at each other and wait. And wait. And wait.

Customer (super snotty like) “Well, I still want it.”

I give her the total, and ask her to pull around. She comes to the window and starts screaming at me about how bogus the coupon was and how we shouldn’t give out fake coupons.

Umm, wackjob lady…it’s not a fake, it’s a legitimate promotion, and it’s only good same day, after 2 pm, just as the printed portion says!

And when I pointed this out to her, she admitted to not reading it.

Well, gee. If you don’t read it, you shouldn’t be screaming at me.


Then, since we got slightly dead, shenanigans ensued. Manager was part of said shenanigans. I got the log song stuck in everyone’s head…and then on top of all of that, it became painfully obvious that we were all slap happy. Someone even asked us what was put in our coffee that morning. There were songs about sheep, the usual complaints about the vivanno drinks, and how the person who invented them was NOT a barista, or the would have NEVER done something like this, and how the oatmeal that we’re getting is going to make our lives just that much more interesting…yes, oatmeal.

So, there I am, about 7.5 hours into a 9 hour day and manager comes over and asks if I’ll do tips.

Sure, fine, whatever.

Oh, yeah..I’ve never done tips before. This is going to take a hot minute.

3 hours later, I’m done with tips and am on my way to my mom’s house for dinner. I can’t function anymore. Trust me. this was NOT pretty.

At least I got to take my tips home. That was the upswing of the entire thing…but 13-14 hour days at the Bux? Not a good thing, especially with delusional customers.


August 27, 2008 at 7:28 am 1 comment

Green Apron Tales, the 30 minute hold time

So, it was another 2 days at work…

Yesterday, I did a 8.5 hour shift. I covered for the manager who was covering for the assitant mananager..and so on. It’s one convoluted thing. But point is, that I worked 2 days in a row. LONG days. That makes for a fun set of tales…

So, let’s discuss a few first that I’ve been holding.

There’s one woman who comes in early in the morning. She’s a peice of work. She sits in the drive thru lane from about 5:25-ish to open. She then comes t hrough and orders a coffee and pastry. Now, realize that she’s coming in at open. We’re just brewing stuff…and if not, it’s just brewed. This is what she does…

Orders, comes to the window and then yells at us to “hurry up!”

So, then after she orders and is just acting foul, she says

“How old is this coffee?”

Remember, she’s there no later than 5:37. Yes, 5:37.


yeah, lady, we just opened, and the coffee is from last night. We’re not that other establishment that has really no hold times for their coffee. We have to dump every stinkin half hour.

She then procedes to get all huffy even when we tell her that the coffee is less than 15 minutes old. Then, throws the money at us and drives off.



Then, there’s yesterday. Wow. What a day. I swear, we needed hugs and helmets all around. First, we had the rush of rushes through the DTR and then we had people trying to redeem treat receipts  (coupons for 2 dollar iced grande drinks) at oh, 8:30 am from the night before.

Look people, treat receipts are only good from 2pm to Close the SAME DAY. No, that does not mean open the next morning. No, no, no. Get over it. Use them properly or give them away…


and that leads me to the next adventure in Drive thru!

We have this regular (Hi Jerry! Your venti iced black eye with 2 splenda and nonfat milk is already on my expediter!) who never, ever uses his treat receipts. His instructions are to pass it on to someone who can use it.

See? Nice guy. We like him.

Well, yesterday, I followed his instructions and passed it on to this woman with 3 kids in the back of the car who was counting change to get a grande iced chai. So, I figured she could use it. So, I hand her 2 of her 4.00 back and tell her that I’ve got an extra treat receipt and that it was passed on from someone who couldn’t use it and left instructions to pass it on to someone who could. Woman about had a caniption.

This was the way it went…

She looked at me and went “what?”

I explained again.

She started shouting about how she wasn’t deserving of this and how I should really pass it on to someone more deserving of a discount…

She must have ranted for full 3-4 minutes.

Lady-come the heck on. You’ve got a minivan full of kids (that look to be all under kindergarten age..) and you’re freakin counting change. You need a discount. Take the sucker and say thank you! No, You decide to rant and rave and all of that mess.

Lord love a duck.

Then, the hit parade that was today. Let’s do this how-to style.

1. When someone on an intercom getting ready to take your order says: “I’ll be right with you..” that does not give you free reign to start raffling off a 3 drink order with the modifiers from hell. Give me a hot second and I’ll get to you and your 90 trillion modifiers.

2. When you come to an intercom, wait a few seconds before you rudely shout “HELLO???” I swear. I’m there. Give me a chance to say hi and do my schtick.

3. Cardinal rule…if you want a drink iced, decide at the speaker. NOT when you get to the window. Just sayin’.

4. When I say I can’t do something…I really can’t do it. Nor can I make pastries that are not in our freezer/on our speed rack/in our case appear. No, I can’t do anything about the shortage of cheese danish, berry stellas or a specific type of scone. Sorry. Yelling at me for any of those things is not going to make me do anything more for you or make me like you.  If I don’t have sleeves (as we didn’t for a week..) I can’t make them magically appear. Thanks for understanding…and NOT YELLING AT ME.

5.If you pay with a larger bill, please, please, please check the size of the bill…and remember if you are entitled to change. Driving off without 10.00 change is not my fault. That is clearly yours. You know, if you want us to hav ethat large of a tip, please just say “change in the jar please.” I swear, we’ll do something for you…really. That kind of tippage makes our lives just honkey dorey and happy. We’re all pretty broke…so come on…just tell us so we’re not freaking out that you forgot your change.

6. If you want us to hear your order and get it right the first time, PLEASE do not talk on your cell phone while you order. If I hear your whole life conversation with your BFF, I will most likely not listen to your drink order. Just say “Hold on.” Or better yet, CALL THEM BACK.

last and certanly most important…

Don’t leave without your drinks. Come on. You ordered and paid for them. Don’t leave without them. You wouldn’t leave without your wallet…how about not leaving your drink you paid for???

We had that happen 3x in the past two days. I swear….and it was the same…stinkin drink…Carmel macchiato…

What’s with that.


Oh, well.


That concludes the how to session of this Green Apron tales. Remember, we only hold our coffee 30 minutes, so if you s how up just after open, the coffee’s fresh.


Oh, and for those wondering…I took the job. That’s another post for another day…

August 23, 2008 at 9:12 pm 3 comments

More Mousecapades

Yeah, remember that latest mouse incident with Booger?

Well, last night in some very cool excitement, Maeve was looking for a lost tooth that got flung somewhere in my craft room. She moved one of my rolling set of drawers and uttered these words:

“Umm…Hey Laura….can you come here for a second?”

Those words were uttered earier in the day for something not so good…so I said

“those are never good words…”

I walked in and she said

“well, I didn’t find the tooth, but I found the M-O-U-S-E.”


“you know, the one you blogged about?”


So, we page Doug. Explain the situation, ask him to do “mouse removal.”

He does, but not without saying:
“wow. I thought she at that…”




Score: Booger eating mice: 0. Leaving them around to find at the worst possible time? 3.

August 20, 2008 at 1:24 am 3 comments

We’ve got houseguests…

So, Maeve and her boys are here.

For some reason, at dinner tonight, this popped into my head…


and at some point, I’ll sit down and put my thoughts to screen about the items we found lurking in the cereal at Target.

and Margot-that commerical is also for you.

August 19, 2008 at 6:11 pm 1 comment

Monday mornings…and phone messages

So, today was a MONDAY.

I worked a long day, wanted to slap another barista for running his mouth (not the PITA one…a different one) and then came home to a phone message.

Remember this episode from January?

Yeah. That one.

The principal of the school called and asked me if I wanted the job. It was on my answering machine, and I just am at a complete loss.

Now, as it is…I owe a friend a Pampered Chef party because she got me the lead for the job.

So, watch for the invitations.

You all know who you are.

August 18, 2008 at 9:57 pm 1 comment

Green Apron Tales-The melted latte always comes back

Here’s the latest…and greatest…


Ok..Melted Latte Lady is BACK! Oh, you all remember her…from this episode and this one.

Well, I was on DTR the other day and I hear her order through the headset and I figure I might just try to kill her with kindness. She hates that, but come on. I figure one of these days, she’ll get tired of being a wicked witch and succumb to our niceness at our large Green Apron establishment. I recently found out her name from another barista, and decided to address her by name! That usually makes most people happy…

Well, she gets to the window, and I say “Good morning, K, how are you doing?”

She shoots me a dirty look, and says “How do you know my name?”

I say “I make it a point to know all of my regulars by name and drink.”

She then throws the money at me and speeds off.


You know, she’s one of those people who’s just not nice. Point blank. She’s just one of those people who really isn’t happy unless she’s complaining.


So, I was telling this to another barista, and she said “OH! I know who you’re talking about! My mom works at (local plastic surgery office) and they all refuse to deal with her anymore, because she’s so difficult. She’s had her lip attempt to be fixed so many times, it won’t heal properly anymore.” (she’s got a cleft lip repair, and it sounds like her palate was repaired, but poorly. she’s super nasal. sorry-speech therapy training coming out here..)

Sad she’s got that reputation, isn’t it?


Like I said.


August 17, 2008 at 4:25 pm Leave a comment

Sesame Street on Fridays-the belated edition…

Because I spent my week getting locked out of another store, working insane hours, helping out friends and all of that, I neglected to do my Sesame Street stuff. Must do that now. So please excuse the date..and I present a favorite in this house…Isaac’s favorite part of this is the end…where he spends the entire time laughing as the police officer carries the phone booth away. My favorite part is the operator calling them ‘whipper snappers.” Doug, well he just thinks this one is hilarious.

So, here’s Telephone Rock!

August 17, 2008 at 4:12 pm Leave a comment

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