Archive for January, 2009

Bad Answers, round 3

So, after the car accident on Sunday, I decided to be kind and send in an assignment for the kids in my computer class so the teachers covering for me didn’t have to stress on something to do. Seriously. Not fair to the technophobes I work with. So, I went on one of my favorite sites,, and made a Technology challenge crossword puzzle.

I returned to some SERIOUSLY sad monkey answers. Here are the best of them…

and for your edification, I’ve placed the correct answer in italics, so you can see how truly far off these were!

Question: “What is the company that created windows?”

Answer (5th grader) Wal Mart.

Correct answer: Microsoft.

Question:Another word for screen.

Answer: TV (Yet again, another 5th grader)

Correct answer: Monitor

Question: One of the languages that web pages are programmed in (and I’ve only taught one…)

Answer: Cars. (A 6th grader)

The correct answer in this case was HTML.

Question: What you do with music, movies, pictures and games when you want to keep them on your computer.

Answer: Google it. (a 7th grader)

Correct answer: Download

Wow. Seriously Wow.


January 31, 2009 at 5:48 pm 3 comments

Crash, bang, Kapow!

you know, it’s just one of those weeks…

On Sunday, the three of us were in the car, heading to Wal Mart for groceries. We’re in the straight lane when all of a sudden, we hear tires,a  horn and then BANG-right into us.

The green Honda who hit my lovely, grey adventuremobile left my back passenger door shattered, bent and all sorts of yuchy. Unfortunately, Isaac was sitting right there. We all burst into tears.

Dude didn’t want to belive that he was at fault. He kept claiming that the whole thing wasn’t his fault. It was another black car that made him swerve and hit us. Umm..really now. You plowed into us-no matter WHAT the reason was, you still hit us. For cripe’s sake.

THEN, dude asked me not to call his insurance company! Holy Cowers! He offered to pay for the body work out of pocket. I asked him if he had enough money to pay for a rental car for me, because this was my vehicle,a nd with the bizzare hours I work, it wasn’t possible to really sit and wait for him to come up wtih the money to pay for it. He got really quiet and then conceded.

I got home, called the insurance and argued with them over the fact that I needed a rental car, and I really wanted my car seat replaced. I’m sorry. You just don’t reuse a carseat after the door that it was next to is plowed into. Just doesn’t work that way.

So, long story short (and I’ll add pictures later…) here are the results….

1 rental car-that is a totally quirky Chevy Impala…I’ll detail that later…

$4,000 worth of damage to my car. It needs the following:

  • a new door shell
  • paint
  • a whole new hubcap and tire
  • a back quarter panel
  • an outer door panel
  • a 4 wheel alignment
  • a new car seat for Isaac, because his was right where we got hit.

It just wasn’t my week. Seriously.

But the good news is that I should have my car back by the end of next week. It better be at least. So there.

January 31, 2009 at 4:05 pm 1 comment

Now, I can stop worrying.

When we first moved back here, we lived in an apartment. When we moved in, we found out that we were living below people I went to high school with! HOLY SCHNICKES! We were thrilled, because their oldest is Isaac’s age, and we figured playmates! NICE!

Well, Soon, we started hearing knock down, drag out fights through our walls. With the windows open, we could hear all sorts of horrid stuff. There were nights I was on the phone with friends where they could hear everything. The screaming, the fighting…and there were days where my friend would come flying down the stairs and this would happen. There was even one morning she was banging on the floor screaming for me to call 911.

I did several times.

It bothered me to no end, because this was a friend of mine. One who I sat through high school classes with, one who was just so sweet and wonderful…and here she is screaming for me in utter terror.


So, finally, toward the end of our stay in that place, she left for good. The last we saw of her was her moving out her stuff. Doug saw her take her last load of stuff out as he was taking our last load from there to here. They talked and the two of us crossed everything crossable and hoped for the best.  That was two summers ago.

Let’s fast forward to yesterday.

After a long shift, the boys and I went out to lunch. I needed to do some “top shopping” for something to wear to the open house today. I figured we’d hit the mall, and wander as we tend to do. We went to lunch at Denny’s. Toward the end of the meal, a group was checking out. I looked up and there was my friend. I absolutely could not believe it.

So, after confirming with Doug that it WAS her, I called to her…and we ran for each other and hugged like we’d never hugged. Going through 911 calls will do that to 2 people!

Well, I found out that she officially divorced the jerk and the kids are thriving. She’s happy, and got a really good job. Things have really turned around for her and she’s safe, happy and her life is so much better.


Now, I can stop worrying about her. I know she’s good.

I’m so glad she had a happy ending…

January 26, 2009 at 8:30 pm 1 comment

Overheard while watching the inauguration…

As Aretha Franklin stepped up to sing “My Country Tis  Of The:”

5th grader 1: “Wow. That is a total Black Lady Church goin’ hat!”

5th grader 2: “You’d wear that to church?”

5th grader 1: “No, but my Granny would!”


As the poet lauret was reciting her poem:

4th grade teacher: “See! She said Noise all around! And did you hear that she said to pick up your pencils and WORK people???”

4th grade student: “So, you mean this packet on Barack Obama is homework?”

January 20, 2009 at 10:01 pm 2 comments


A long while back, I posted this as my Wordless Wednesday:

Remember me? I'm back!

And now here we are. The mess that is George W. Bush is gone, and we’re now bringing in what I hope will be a breath of fresh air.

At times of change, I revert back to what my mom always did -leave a note on a napkin in my lunch. Since I can’t leave that to President Obama, I’ll just leave one here for him.

Dear President Obama,

Have a great first day! Don’t let the “specials” of the world get you down. We all want you do to well-help us to change the Nation.

Laura and everyone here in E. Nowhere

January 20, 2009 at 9:48 pm Leave a comment

Green Apron Tales-Crap I can’t make up.

Seriously. I can’t make the stuff that’s happened over the past 2 days up.

I was telling Mom all of this stuff, and she said: “People are pathetic.” Seriously. They are. So, hold on to your hats…this is the crap I can’t make up that happens at the ‘bux.

So, I’m on the DTR as always.

here goes round 1:


me: Hi and welcome to ____________ ‘bux, What can I get you started today?

Freaky Tea lady (FTL) : I want a venti earl grey tea, wth 2 sweet and low, warm milk, and remove the teabag before you give it to me.

Here’s the thing-I would have TOTALLY understood this if there was a back up-people not wanting to have their tea be too strong…but realize, there was NO ONE in front of her, and the drive from the DTR speaker to the window is all of 30 seconds to a minute.

ASMElmo: (chiming in after a few seconds of attempting to figure out what this fool watned…) “We usually steep the tea for 3-4 minutes-do you want us to steep it for you at all?”

FTL: (getting super snippy and all sorts of yell-y) “LOOK. Put the teabags in. Put the steamed milk in. put the sweet n low in. Swish the teabags around a bit. TAKE THE TEABAGS OUT. Then, hand it to me.”

So, I made the stupid drink. ASMElmo handed it off to her, because I was on my way out the door. She gets all sorts of snippy with him, and says:
“Did you put the sweet n low in?”
ASMElmo asks me to confirm, because I made the drink…meanwhile, while he’s asking me, FTL is making nasty little comments that we can never get a drink right, we never put the sweet n low in, ect. So, ASMElmo does what we all wish we could do some days…

he looks at her and says:

“Did you need something else?”

She says no quickly and rolls up her window.


oh, and I did put the sweet n low in.


So, the other day, I’m back on the DTR, and we were out of the customer’s favorite pastries. She orders an oatmeal. I make it up, pack it up with the requested toppings and hand it to her…and then she asks the question that is just so stupid we all stopped in our tracks…and this is what made mom say that people are pathetic…


“Is the oatmeal hot?”


Yes, you read that right. She asked us if  the oatmeal was hot.

We all about stopped in our tracks…

FloridaShift, Mandapants and Training Buddy were all rolling eyes and making sarcastic comments after she was gone.


No, we keep the oatmeal in the freezer and then blend it into a slushie. Sure, you can have an oatmeal slushie.


Can I add this to my “stupid, stupid people ” list?

January 17, 2009 at 7:35 pm Leave a comment

iPod games, or why the Mac Geniuses earn that title.

I’ve got this iPod-it’s a purple Nano. It’s all 16 gigs of wonder for me. It keeps me sane at work (in the lab when it’s just too quiet) and makes my drive to work really quite nice lately.

So, imagine my horror, when my poor iPod got a surprise bath in a cup of water…and promptly turned off. I was beside myself, as my day had just kind of been icky to that point…but this put me over the edge. I sobbed all the way to the bux, because I didn’t have my little, purple pod.

So, after I got home from a rotten shift…it was one of those days…I called Apple. I got hung up on several times, so I decided to call the store. We went through all sorts of troubleshooting and couldn’t get my ipod to boot up. It was a sad moment in Chez E. Nowhere.

I got on line and made an appointment with the Mac Geniuses for the next day, praying that my pod would boot up on its own and be JUST fine.  I also made it for one of the first appointments of the day, because who knows what that evil mall will be like anywhere later in the day.

I get there, and wander in. There are 3 people ahead of me-and some people were just being straight up stupid. You could tell that there was no troubleshooting done before they made their appointment with the Mac Geniuses. There were a lot of “oh, I didn’t realize that…” moments.

So, my turn comes up, and I get a Mac Genius with a shirt that said “If I was a reindeer, I’d be Fixin.” She introduces herself to me and then I give her my purple pod. I explain the entire story, about how it will only boot up and work while it’s connected to my computer and how I’m very sad about the entire thing.

So, she hooks it up to a mac there, reformats it (for the 2nd time in 2 days…) and gets it to turn on, work and even shows me that teh battery is full! Woohoo!

The only downswing of this fix is that I had to re-import all of my music.  Even that wasn’t a big deal, as I had everything already organized into playlists.


But seriously-you can’t beat Mac service-for the pod or the ‘puters.

So, of course, I can’t go anywhere without finding the hilarity of the world on full display.

Here’s what happened….

I was standing there waiting for my turn, oogling the neato docking stations and the skins for the Nan0.  This woman storms in, trailed by her 2 kids. She obviously is in a HUGELY terrible mood. The store was pretty busy, but the Mac Geniuses were moving at a good speed and were in all sorts of good moods.

Well, she asks me if I was in line for the Mac Geniuses. I asked her if she had made an appointment-and before I could point her to the girl int he orange shirt (who is the concierge), she yells: “I don’t have time for this crap. I don’t make appointments! I’m leaving!”


So, I look at the person behind me, because he’s laughing like an idiot at this woman. He looked at me and said “I guess she thinks she’s more important than the rest of us who made appointments.”


Amen.  Totally Amen.

January 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm Leave a comment

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